While riding the bus to go to Mass this past Saturday, I was sitting by the window and saw the people sitting on the bus bench. They were not sitting because they were waiting for the bus. They were sitting because they had no where else to go. No home and no place to go. My first thought was "How ungrateful I am." I have a home, food to eat and live beautiful animal companions. I have a job. I have a family who love and accept me. I have good friends. I am not alone in this world even though I someimes feel I am.
The reason for my tendency to wallow in self-pity is quite simply, I have an ungrateful heart. Admitting that is the easy part. I have no problem admitting at least some of my flaws. But I am also quite an expert at jutifying my flaws and my right to feel sorry for myself. After all, my flaws are not quite as bad as other peoples and I have had to deal with much loss. I can find all the wrong in my life. Too often I choose to dwell in that darkness. Too often I am content to live in and with ingratitude. Too often I am stuck on me and what is wrong with my life.
I am not sure how to get unstuck. I am not sure how to let go of the ego that seeeks more and more. Even in seeing the homeless people, my attention was not foucused on them but on me. I do not know how to really turn awy from ingratitude and ego to embrace gratitude and humbleness. I have tried to focus on what is good but still find myself drawn to what is not good. So I continue to struggle with this ungrateful heart and my ego.
God Bless you and keep you!
Sister Pat, FMT
Holy Mary, Mother of Creation,
bless us that we may experience
God as Love in praise of all creatures,
in love of all of creation. Amen.
Father Michael Adams - www.livingrosaries.org
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