I attended the Ordination to the Priesthood of my friend Deacon, now Reverend, Joan on Friday, May 8, 2015. She was ordained an Independent Catholic Priest. One of the traditions is that the newly ordained Priest gives first blessings after Mass. Reverend Joan didn't say a quick blessing. She took time with each person and blessed them with words from her heart.
The blessing I received had to with my doubts about my call to be a Sister which I discussed in a previous post, Still Answering The Call Reluctantly. She prayed that God would make clear the path for me and remove whatever doubts I have. I was deeply touched by the thoughtful blessing I received from my friend.
After the Mass, there was a pot luck dinner. My friend Fr. Bill offered to get me something to drink. I explained to him that I had not gotten anything because no one had opened the twelve pack of Coca ~Cola and I didn't want to be the one to open it. I also didn't want any of the drinks that were on ice. Fr. Bill decided that I needed a drink and returned with a can of Coca~Cola.
The can was one of Coca~Cola's #ShareaCoke cans. The message on my can was: Share a Coke with your Sis. When I read the words, I thought about my sister, Melody. I also thought about my Nuns: Sister Anne, Sister Julie and Sister Maxine. As I continued to look at the words on the can, I thought about Reverend Joan's words as she blessed me. I knew that along with being reminded of the wonderful sister and Sisters in my life, I was also being given a sign. Ah, God does meet us in the most unexpected places... even on a Coca~Cola can!
God Bless you and keep you!
Sister Pat, FMT
Holy Mary, Mother of Creation,
bless us that we may experience
God as Love in praise of all creatures,
in love of all of creation. Amen.
Father Michael Adams - www.livingrosaries.org
We are called to see God everywhere, in everyone and in all of creation. Sister Joan Chittister has not only spoken and written about seeing God, she has also said that we must look for God where we do not expect God to be. I struggle with finding God at my job and especially in seeing God in my coworkers and one in particular. I am not sure why I have such a difficult time relating to this person. Perhaps it is simply because some people just do not get along well and some personalities just do not mesh.
I reflected on this the other night while I was working with this person. I came to the conclusion that I must be blind! That must be the reason I cannot see God. However, when I came home from work and continued to reflect, I was struck with a slightly different thought. Am I really blind to the image of God in my coworker or am I closing my eyes?
I didn't give that much more thought until I had lunch with Fr. Robert. He listened as I told this story. As I was telling him, it occurred to me that maybe it's more than just closing my eyes. Maybe I am choosing not to see God in this person. Why is that? I have always had a tense working relationship with this coworker. Am I using the difficulty in our work relationship as an excuse to ignore God?
I'm not sure what to do. Perhaps finding and seeing God means just being polite and respectful when dealing with this person. Perhaps finding and seeing God does not mean that I must embrace and become close friends or even friends at all, but simply respect the dignity of this person. Speak kindly when I must speak, and more important, not speak unkindly about the person.
God Bless you and keep you!
Sister Pat, FMT
Holy Mary, Mother of Creation,
bless us that we may experience
God as Love in praise of all creatures,
in love of all of creation. Amen.
Father Michael Adams - www.livingrosaries.org
While riding the bus to go to Mass this past Saturday, I was sitting by the window and saw the people sitting on the bus bench. They were not sitting because they were waiting for the bus. They were sitting because they had no where else to go. No home and no place to go. My first thought was "How ungrateful I am." I have a home, food to eat and live beautiful animal companions. I have a job. I have a family who love and accept me. I have good friends. I am not alone in this world even though I someimes feel I am.
The reason for my tendency to wallow in self-pity is quite simply, I have an ungrateful heart. Admitting that is the easy part. I have no problem admitting at least some of my flaws. But I am also quite an expert at jutifying my flaws and my right to feel sorry for myself. After all, my flaws are not quite as bad as other peoples and I have had to deal with much loss. I can find all the wrong in my life. Too often I choose to dwell in that darkness. Too often I am content to live in and with ingratitude. Too often I am stuck on me and what is wrong with my life.
I am not sure how to get unstuck. I am not sure how to let go of the ego that seeeks more and more. Even in seeing the homeless people, my attention was not foucused on them but on me. I do not know how to really turn awy from ingratitude and ego to embrace gratitude and humbleness. I have tried to focus on what is good but still find myself drawn to what is not good. So I continue to struggle with this ungrateful heart and my ego.
God Bless you and keep you!
Sister Pat, FMT
Holy Mary, Mother of Creation,
bless us that we may experience
God as Love in praise of all creatures,
in love of all of creation. Amen.
Father Michael Adams - www.livingrosaries.org
I was reminded of the parable about the workers in the vineyard from Matthew's Gospel earlier in the week while at working. I was grumbling to myself (as I often do) about what I perceived as being treated unfairly. The parable deals with workers being hired throughout the day and everyone receiving the same amount of pay regardless of how many hours they worked. Of course, those who worked the longest were extremely upset at receiving the same amount of money as those who worked the least amount of hours. The owner of the vineyard asks the disgruntled workers "Didn't you agree to work for a denarius?" and "Or are you envious of my generosity?" The parable is, of course, about God's generosity, about humility, about being grateful for what we have, rather than envying what others have or receive.
For me, this particular parable was a much needed reminder that I agreed to work at this job. I understood what my responsibilities were when I accepted the position. Whatever anyone one else does or does not do, whatever I might think they should or should not do, whatever happens with anyone else really should not have an impact on me because I agreed to work. I need to focus on doing my job to the best of my abilities. That must be my only concern.
Life is not fair as my sister pointed out during a conversation I had with her about this problem at work. But I can choose how I react to the unfairness which I perceive ( some real and some imagined) and do my job!
God Bless you and keep you!
Sister Pat, FMT
Holy Mary, Mother of Creation,
bless us that we may experience
God as Love in praise of all creatures,
in love of all of creation. Amen.
Father Michael Adams - www.livingrosaries.org
It is almost 7:00 A.M. as I begin writing. I can hear the birds singing joyfully as they greet the first light of morning. Dawn is slowly awakening and the sky is becoming lighter. The sun has yet to appear but shades of the lightest orange reach above the horizon. What an amazing morning it must have been when Jesus walked out of the tomb. How all of creation must have rejoiced as the light of Christ burst forth into the world once more. What jubilant songs the birds must have sung. But that moment will be celebrated tomorrow: Easter Sunday. Today is Holy Saturday. Today is the waiting day.
We have already remembered and commemorated the Last Supper on Thursday and relived those moments from the Garden of Gethsemane to the scourging, crowning with thorns, carrying of the cross and crucifixion and death of Jesus on Good Friday. Now we wait for Sunday. We already know how this will end. We already know that Jesus rises from the dead.
But for the disciples and followers of Jesus, this day must have been a day of despair, confusion, fear and hopelessness. Jesus, who cured so many and even raised Lazarus from the dead, was now dead. Killed in a brutal and public way as a message to those who dared to speak up against the religious leaders and government leaders. Jesus did not save himself from death. He did not come down from the cross. He did not open his eyes when he was removed from the cross. The God whom Jesus loved and thanked and praised did not save him from death.
Peter, who had been so outspoken in wanting to follow Jesus, in wanting to protect Jesus, denied even knowing him most likely out of fear. Watching something so brutal happen to someone he loved and admired, someone who was his teacher and friend, must have shaken Peter's faith. All Jesus' followers fled. All that is except the women. They stayed. His mother stayed or was nearby depending on what Gospel account one reads and what one chooses to believe could have been factually correct given the time and circumstance and way of life.
With Jesus dead, the disciples might not have been sure about anything. They spent time in the upper room praying, hoping perhaps that what they witnessed was some bad dream. Hoping that Jesus would walk in and the life they knew with him would return to some degree of normalcy. Whatever he might have told them to try to prepare them and whatever he might have told his mother to prepare her, the sheer brutality and horror of the events that resulted in his crucifixion and death surely must have left them all in shock and disbelief.
So on this Saturday, they waited and prayed and held on to whatever bit of faith was left in them, not knowing what will happen...
God Bless you and keep you!
Sister Pat, FMT
Holy Mary, Mother of Creation,
bless us that we may experience
God as Love in praise of all creatures,
in love of all of creation. Amen.
Father Michael Adams - www.livingrosaries.org
Matthew, Mark and Luke all write about Jesus going to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray. Although all his disciples accompany him, Jesus takes Peter, James and John a little further and asks them to wait while he prays. Not once, not even twice, but three times Jesus finds his three companions sleeping. He wakes them and asks them why they could not stay awake for even an hour. They are at a loss for words. According to the accounts in the Gospels, they were "overcome' with sleep. Last Saturday at the Palm Sunday Vigil Mass, the Passion and Crucifixion of Christ was read. After the reading, Fr. Joe spoke, in his homily, about the upcoming Holy Week schedule and how our plans to spend some time with God and Jesus are often sidetracked by other events in our lives, some unavoidable and others, perhaps, just distractions.
Both Fr. Joe's words and Jesus asking his disciples why they could not stay awake for an hour stayed with me. I thought about the past few weeks and how I used the excuse of being too tired to get up to say my morning prayers. So I said a very simple prayers some days and maybe a couple of more brief prayers other days. I know that prayer is never ever about quantity. Prayer is all about the quality and sincerity. The story of the Pharisee and the tax collector in the temple certainly exemplifies the message that a prayer doesn't have to be lengthy. But I wasn't even willing to give up just thirty minutes a day!
The disciples couldn't stay awake for an hour. I stayed in bed a half an hour longer than I set my alarm because I, like the disciples, was too tired. Too tired to spend a half an hour in prayer. To tired, too distracted, too whatever to spend the forty days of Lent doing any of the reading and praying I'd planned to do when Lent began. Sure I did well at not having the desserts and/or fried foods I've given up for Lent the past four years. But as for the spiritual part, well, not so good. I'm not sure why I always struggle. I have such high hopes as every Lent begins, but talking the talk is always so much easier than walking the walk. I'm a good talker. I wish I were a better walker.
I decided to take a positive step by having a quiet and reflective Good Friday: no television and no playing Words With Friends or Trivia Crack for twenty-four hours. I also decided to fast for twenty-four hours. I began by praying the Sorrowful Mysteries using Sr. Joan Chittister's In Pursuit Of Peace: Praying the Rosary Through the Psalms. I spent time praying, used the computer only for a short time, attended Good Friday service and ended the twenty-four hour period by once again praying the Sorrowful Mysteries using Sr. Joan's meditations.
The twenty-fours hours of Good Friday gave me the chance to not only spend much needed time in prayer, but to also let go of all the distractions that I hold on to so tightly. I can turn off the television rather than watching reruns that I've seen so many times I almost know all the dialogue. The games can wait. I can stay awake!
God Bless you and keep you!
Sister Pat, FMT
Holy Mary, Mother of Creation,
bless us that we may experience
God as Love in praise of all creatures,
in love of all of creation. Amen.
Father Michael Adams - www.livingrosaries.org
On Palm Sunday we remember Jesus entering Jerusalem on a donkey. The crowds were waving palms and shouting "Hosanna!" What a welcome he received! How bittersweet that must have been for Jesus to hear those cheers all the while knowing those same voices would be screaming "Crucify him!" later in the week. When I receive my palms at Mass Saturday evening, I will join with those people shouting "Hosanna!" I would like to say that I would never turn on Jesus as those crowds did. I would like to think I would never be one of the people screaming "Crucify him! Crucify him!" I would like to think that I would be standing near Mary, the mother of Jesus, offering whatever comfort I could while drawing strength from her.
Ah, but I have already yelled "Crucify him! Crucify him!" so many times. I would say too many times, but that would suggest that is some acceptable number of time I can say "Crucify him!" before it is too many times. In Matthew's Gospel chapter 25:35-46, Jesus says that whatever I do to or for the others, I do to or for Jesus (see verse 40) and whatever I do not do to or for others, I do not do to or for Jesus (see verse 45). The passage talks about feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, caring for the sick,.giving be a drink to the thirsty and visiting prisoners.
But there are so many more than just the ones Jesus mentions. For am I not also called to be kind to others, especially those with whom I have a difficult relationship? Am I not called to refrain from speaking negatively about others? Am I not called to stop judging others? Am I not called to forgiveness and letting go of anger and grudges?
How many times this week have my words and actions shouted "Crucify him!" instead of "Hosanna!"? Too many to count!
God Bless you and keep you!
Sister Pat, FMT
Holy Mary, Mother of Creation,
bless us that we may experience
God as Love in praise of all creatures,
in love of all of creation. Amen.
Father Michael Adams - www.livingrosaries.org
I recently wrote a blog entitled Blessings and missed blessings in which I talked about how easily I had missed the blessings I'd been given in just a few days. This blog is about the blessings of my life. The blessing of my parents who loved me and always did the best they could do. The blessing of spending almost fifty-two years with my mother. Although there were times when my mother and I struggled to get along as happens in every relationship, I never once doubted her love or that she wanted only the best for me, if only I could figure out what that was. How blessed I am!
The blessing of having an older sister who I have come to appreciate more and more as the years pass. A sister who had been a comfort in difficult times and a reminder that I am not alone in this world. There is someone else who breathes the same life breath and has been created by the same love as me. How blessed I am!
The blessing of having a brother-in-law who is so kind and generous that he would and has actually given someone the shirt off his back. I know because I was there when he did. He didn't think what he did was such a big deal. But it was. What an example putting others first! How blessed I am!
The blessing of lifetime friendships that began in childhood and have withstood not just the test of time, but of distance and years without seeing each other. None of that matters because the bonds that formed more than forty years ago will bend and stretch and bridge the miles always whenever we speak, however much time passes. How blessed I am!
The blessing of a good education and great teachers from grade school to high school to college. Four, my high school English teacher and three college English professors, who encouraged me to write and believed that I can. One, my homeroom teacher, a Roman Catholic Sister, who started me on a journey to say my own "Yes!" in my own way to becoming a Sister. Three of whom, my high school English teacher, one of my college English professors and the Sister, I am still in touch with today. They still encourage me. How blessed I am!
The blessing of people who walked into my life long enough to make a difference before continuing on their journeys. Oh how much they enriched my life. What beautifully colored threads they added to the fabric that is my life. How blessed I am!
The blessing of Karen and the miracle of her love. What a surprise to be with her after having not seen her for over fourteen years. What joy when we celebrated our love and commitment to one another at our Holy Union Ceremony. Though we only had a little over four years together before she died, moments out of a lifetime, I know those were precious moments filled with love. How blessed I am!
The blessing of sharing my life and home with animals companions whose love knew and knows no boundaries, who place no conditions, who love without questioning. Animal companions who have celebrated my joys and helped me through the darkest moments. I have said goodbye to many of them, Two are still with me. Amazing and beautiful creatures they are and were. How blessed I am!
The blessing of good friends, of having a job, a home and food to eat. The blessing of being alive and able to ride my bike to work. The blessing of finally understanding this...
Oh, yes, how blessed I am!
God bless you and keep you!
Sister Pat, FMT
Holy Mary, Mother of Creation,
bless us that we may experience
God
as Love in praise of all creatures,
in love of all of creation. Amen.
Father Michael Adams - www.livingrosaries.org
I made a slight change to the description of the blog. Rather than saying: the thoughts and writings of Sister Pat, FMT, an Independent Catholic Sister, the description now says: the thoughts and writings of Sister Pat, FMT, a reluctant Independent Catholic Sister. I decided to add the word reluctant because that seems to be the best and most concise way to describe this journey of mine. From the summer of 1976, the summer of my 17th birthday, the summer between junior and senior years in high school until now, I have wrestled with, wondered about, struggled with, joyfully embraced, seriously doubted and knew with absolute certainty that I was called to something deeper, that I was called to be a Sister.
The journey began quite innocently near the end of junior year. We were on the bus riding back to school after a field trip. Sister Anne, my homeroom teacher, asked "anyone thinking of becoming a Nun?" I really didn't think much of the question then. But it stayed with me throughout senior year and remained somewhere deep within me after high school ended. The feeling was still there after I'd stopped attending Mass on a regular basis and after I'd moved from Massachusetts to Florida. The call was especially strong when I started attending Mass and praying again. The sense that I was still being called to some type of religious life was still there even when I had found love.
Karen and I celebrated our love and commitment with a Holy Union Ceremony during a Mass for the Feast of The Immaculate Conception December 8, 2002. I chose the date because I wanted our ceremony to be on a Marian Feast day. I had talked with her about the feeling of being called to a deeper religious commitment and she was supportive. We even thought about becoming Secular Franciscans associated with a group of Independent Catholic Franciscans, but we were the only women. That wouldn't have been a problem had we not felt like we'd always be "on the outside looking in" at the boys club.
Then Karen died March 10, 2006, and my world and faith shattered. If God was still calling, not only did I not hear that voice, I didn't want to have anything to with God, or Mary or Jesus or the Holy Spirit or Mass or prayers. But ever so slowly, I felt the pull back especially through Mary and felt that call once again and finally decided I had to find a way to say that "yes!" On September 8, 2007, I made my own private vows at home. On August 15th, 2008 the Feast of The Dormition/Assumption of Mary I made my solemn Profession of Vows in an Independent Catholic Church. Of course I had to profess on a Marian Feast Day!
Since my profession, continuing to answer the call has not always been easy. I have often found reasons why I couldn't possibly have been called to this consecrated life. Yet, there have been so many signs along the way to indicate that I have. I was able to find Sr. Anne, whom i had not seen nor spoken with since graduation in May 1977, and tell her about my journey to say "Yes" to the question she'd asked all those years ago. She was and remains so supportive and encouraging even though that's not what she's supposed to do. Roman Catholic Sisters are not supposed to encourage Independent Catholic Sisters. I recently found out that she entered the Convent on September 8. Yet another sign for me!
Sr. Anne is not the only one who has been supportive, encouraging and affirming. I've shared the story of my journey with other Roman Catholic Sisters, including Sr Jeannine Gramick who agreed with Sr. Anne that I must be "true to myself" and follow the path that is best for me. I have also been supported and encouraged by Sister Julie and Sister Maxine. All four Sisters have affirmed my non-traditional call and way of answering. Sisters Julie and Maxine have welcomed me into the wonderful Internet community they've created as part of their ministry. One of the most affirming things Sr. Julie did was to post a comment which ended with #bikingnuns under a picture I had posted on Facebook about a bike ride home on a cold early morning. Something rather simple, I know and perhaps easily overlooked, but so important to this reluctant Sister dealing with doubts. Sr. Julie posted that comment just a few after I literally said out loud "Well, I don't think I'm called to be a Sister."
I am always encouraged and supported by my good friend, Fr, Bill, a member of an Independent Dominican/Franciscan Order. When I told him about wanting to be a Sister, he said: "then be yourself a Sister!" He listens patiently to my ramblings and I appreciate him. I have also found a home at the Parish of Sts. Francis and Clare with my brother Franciscans, the parishioners and two greyhounds, Coco and Junie as well as a friend and spiritual guide in Deacon Joan who I call "Skipper D". She is no longer at the Parish but we meet once a month. She reminds me that all this is part of life.
I renewed my vows on August 15, 2014 at the Parish with Fr. Robert, OSF accepting my renewal with Br John, OSF and Br. Tim, OSF with us. Yet still I wonder and doubt and still try to run away and find all the reasons why, even after al these years, I couldn't possibly be called. Yet, deep within, I feel that pull... so I go on, reluctanly, and not understanding why there is that pause, that hesitation...
God bless you and keep you!
Sister Pat, FMT
Holy Mary, Mother of Creation,
bless us that we may experience
God
as Love in praise of all creatures,
in love of all of creation. Amen.
Father Michael Adams - www.livingrosaries.org
A wonderful friend and Deacon whom I've nicknamed "Skipper D" because I thought she called me "Buddy" the first few times she greeted me at The Parish of Sts. Francis and Clare gave me the book, The Prayer of Jabez. The book is about asking God for blessings. As I read the book, I became somewhat disillusioned because I was struggling with finding any blessings at all, even though I know there were and are so many. But that was one of many and seemingly all too frequent "dark nights". I put the book down and didn't want to continue reading because of course the author had received all that he'd asked for from God. If he hadn't, then he wouldn't have written a book!
I hadn't been praying, and when that happens, I always question the validity of my call to the consecrated life. After all, aren't Sisters supposed to pray and as Sister Joan Chittister, OSB says, "become prayer." How could I really believe I had that call when I didn't always make the effort to pray? I decided to ask for God's blessings by saying a very simply prayer this past week. The oft said words are from the Bible and are the same words St. Francis used to bless his Brothers. I have blessed my animal companions with these very words: "God bless you and keep you!" so why not use them for me: "God bless me and keep me!"
So off I went after asking for blessings and wondering what would happen. Unfortunately I tend to be hoping for the BIG miracles: the lighting bolts, the handwriting on the wall or in the sky... something so noticeable I couldn't possibly miss it. But that didn't happen, not at all. Then, as I mentioned in my previous blog post: I am a Pharisee, a co-worker thanked God for receiving a requested day off. God had blessed my co-worker, but what about me? I didn't see much in the way of blessings. Of course, i wasn't seeing clearly, either. No, I was too wrapped in what was wrong, rather than what was right.
The last night I worked this week was a busy night especially between 11 p.m. and 1:00 a.m. and it was not so smooth. But during that time, there were two customers, Teri and Sherry, along with their friend, who made the time much more pleasant and enjoyable. They helped me laugh and when their friend Chris finally joined them that made the night even more enjoyable despite the hectic pace and struggles of getting everyone taken care of properly.
When I finally got home a little after 5 a.m., about 3 hours after I was scheduled to leave work, I thought about Teri, Sherry and Chris and how their presence made that night much easier. I realized that was a blessing! Teri and Chris often come in and always we laugh. That is a blessing! My cat companions are such a blessing! My new work shoes, which are so comfortable even after 13 hours, are a blessing! How easy it has been for me to miss the many blessings each and every day because I look for what I want to receive and haven't rather than rejoicing in what I have been given!
May God bless you and keep you!
Holy Mary, Mother of Creation,
bless us that we may experience
God
as Love in praise of all creatures,
in love of all of creation. Amen.
Father Michael Adams - www.livingrosaries.org
Peace & Blessings!
Sister Pat, FMT
In Luke's gospel chapter 18 verses 9-14, Jesus talks about two people who go into the Temple to pray. One is a Pharisee and the other is a tax collector. The Pharisee goes up to the altar and begins to speak about being pious, virtuous, generous in giving alms and thanks God that he is not a sinner like the tax collector. However, the tax collector stays near the back, never looks up, admits to being a sinner and asks for God's mercy. I know I am like the tax collector, a sinner in need of mercy. But I often act like the Pharisee. When I overheard a co-worker thanking God for receiving a requested day off, my first reaction was, "Well, God answered that one's prayers, but not mine." I then went over, in my mind, all the "sins" I thought my co-worker had committed within our workplace compared to my own "sins" and, of course, came to the conclusion that my co-worker had done more "wrong" than me. Yet my co-worker had been justified for having faith and believing while my prayers went unanswered. At some point a day or two later, the Gospel story about the Pharisee and Tax collector ran through my mind. At that moment, I realized that while I like to think of myself as the tax collector with head bowed admitting my sins and asking for mercy, all too often, I am the Pharisee holding my head up high admitting nothing but my piousness and wondering why I am not justified.
Holy Mary, Mother of Creation,
bless us that we may experience God
as Love in praise of all creatures,
in love of all of creation. Amen.
Father Michael Adams - www.livingrosaries.org
Peace & Blessing!
Sister Pat, FMT
